Yoshi VS Knuckles
Yoshi VS Knuckles is the 2nd episode of DEATH BATTLE!, featuring Yoshi from the Super Mario series and Knuckles the Echidna from the Sonic the Hedgehog series in a battle between third wheels. Description Mario Vs. Sonic! Which good pal of the main character will win: the Echidna or the Dinosuar? Interlude Wiz: Ever since Mario & Luigi Vs. Sonic & Tails. Boomstick: We wondered if the third wheels could fight each other. Wiz: Like Yoshi, Mario's happy-go-lucky steed. Boomstick: And Knuckles the Echidna, Sonic's friendly rival and the guardian of the all-powerful Master Emerald. Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle. Yoshi (*Cues: Yoshi's Island - Flower Garden Theme*) Wiz: Yoshi is a cheerful and friendly dinosaur who's race happens to be among Bowser's most hated enemies. Why? Boomstick: 'Cause they're so Gxx damn happy all the time! Wiz: Yoshi is considered one of the fastest characters in the Mario universe and has a higher and stronger jump than Mario. Despite his cute and cheery demeaner, Yoshi's powerful enough to put down this goliath single-handedly. He's able to keep up with experienced fighters like Solid Snake, Link, and even previous Death Battle champion, Samus Aran. Boomstick: And either he doesn't have any ears or he's really freaken' patient, 'cause he somehow put up with that whiny-ass Baby Mario! Baby Mario cries. Boomstick: If it were me, someone would've found him in a dumpster after the first level! Also ,while young Yoshis are dumb enough to run off cliffs, they learn quickly over time, eventually driving go-karts, playing sports and surviving the greatest death trap ever created: Mario Party! Wiz: Yoshi has a large arsenal of eggs to use as lightweight projectiles and can even create a giant egg shell to use as an all-encompassing sheild. Boomstick: What is it with creatures from the Mario universe using their babies as weapons? Is it that effective? I'm gonna have to test this out. Maybe some sort of Baby Launcher... Wiz: Boomstick! That's a terrible idea! Any time you'd want to reload, you'd have to wait nine months. Anyway, Yoshi's greatest asset is his stomach. Boomstick: Yeah, Yoshi's got a bad eating problem, and devours everything in sight with his long stretchy tongue. He can swallow almost anything, even fire. Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. Yoshi has the strangest digestive system I've ever come across. Certain meals can grant him special abilities. Otherwise, after consuming a foe or item, Yoshi...uh...ejects an egg spawned from the subject. The egg may have special properties from said object, or contain the victim within. Boomstick: Wait, is that how he makes eggs?! Are there any female Yoshis? Wiz: I don't think they're male or female. Yoshis may be asexual. Boomstick: That poor miserable creature. Yoshi: "Oh ho ho, Yoshi got right stuff!" Knuckles the Echidna (*Cues: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric Main Theme*) Wiz: 4000 years ago, the echidna race thrived due to their advanced technology and talent for warfare. Boomstick: Now that's what I call a pet!, I know what i'm picking up at the pet store on the way home! Wiz: Just a heads up, the males have four heads on their penises. Boomstick: What?! Awesome! Wiz: Desperate for the power to command the world, the Knuckles tribe staged a raid to obtain the legendary power of the Master Emerald. Boomstick: What they didn't know is that it was protected by a giant, murderous water dragon with tentacles named Chaos, and it just killed the shit out of them. Wiz: Miraculously, a young echidna girl survived, and managed to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald. The resulting energy output ripped the echidnas' home into the sky to become Angel Island, perpetually floating so long as the emerald remained in it's shrine. Sonic lore everybody... Boomstick: Centuries later, one final descendant of the Knuckles clan remained and his name was... Knuckles. (*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA2 Version*) Boomstick: So, not the most creative parenting in the world but hey. Knuckles is the lone guardian of the Master Emerald, dedicating his entire life to protecting the family jewel. Ha! But he spends most of his days sleeping and doing nothing, because really, who's gonna fly up all the way up to a tiny, floating island just to steal a rock? Wiz: Why the nefarious Dr. Eggman of course! As a ploy, Eggman convinced Knuckles that a certain blue hedgehog and a fox with two tails planned to steal the Master Emerald. Knuckles left to stop the thieves, and Eggman swiped the gem for himself. Boomstick: Not the sharpest head on the dick, is he? Wiz: Without its energy source, Angel Island plummeted out of the sky, until Sonic the Hedgehog literally beat the sense into Knuckles and together, they saved the day, forming a tense bromance. Rouge: Sounds like you've got an inferiority complex. Knuckles: Huh? I have a what? Rouge: Oh, nothing. Never mind Knuckles... Boomstick: Since then, Knux has continued to try to guard the emerald. However most people who try to steal it... do. But luckily for ol' rad red, he can track the Master Emerald using his treasure hunting skills. Wiz: And his special bond with the gem, which allows him to detect its presence and harness some of its power. Which he can focus through the ancient martial art passed down through the Knuckles clan. Boomstick: The ancient art of "punch the crap out of everything!" No, really. That's the answer to every single problem Knuckles has. Something in the way? Punch it! Need to climb a cliff? Punch it! Falling down a trap? Punch it! Punching not working for some reason? You fucking know he punches it more! Rouge drops through an air vent, while Knuckles punches through a wall. Rouge: You're taking this breaking and entering business way too literally. (*Cues: Knuckles' Theme - Sonic and Knuckles*) Wiz: Speaking of which, Knuckles can throw punches so extreme, they create explosions by igniting hydrogen in the air. Boomstick: Sounds familiar... Wiz: Knuckles is fast, capable of running at least 100 miles per hour. He can also take to the sky and glide. Reportedly by trapping air underneath his dreadlocks, although there's no logical way those locks are aerodynamic enough to keep him airborne. Boomstick: Hey it's better than a tanooki flying with it's nutsack. Then again he could just be twirling his di-''' (*Cues: Babylon Garden - Sonic Riders*) Wiz: Annd with the spikes on his fists, Knuckles can effortlessly dig through dirt and rock, add on his attachable Shovel Claws and he can even tunnel through solid metal. '''Boomstick: With arms that stringy, it makes you wonder where all this strength comes from. Wiz: Well, his connection with the Master Emerald is responsible for much of his more absurd attributes, like gliding and punching explosions. Boomstick: Knux can shatter boulders, dodge machine guns, ride atop flying jets and missiles like skateboards, oh, and he can breathe in space. Wiz: He's matched and even trumped Sonic in battle, runs fast enough to cut holes in the ground, is strong enough to uproot massive trees... Boomstick: Hell, he's strong enough to throw this! Wiz: With a single punch, he can trigger a volcanic eruption. Doing so requires displacing pressure in a volcano's magma chamber, at minimum, this can sit around 3,280 ft or 1 kilometer below the Earth's surface. Knuckles had to have punched the ground with at least 3.9 megatons of force, over three times more powerful then the highest yield bomb in the US nuclear stockpile. (*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA1 Version*) Boomstick: That's cute, how about the time he punched the moon? One day, Eggman blew up half the moon, and rebuilt it into a robot moon, because, well, he gets off on that shit. Wiz: Via remote control, Eggman actually changed the moon's orbit to create a never ending eclipse. Boomstick: But never fear, Knuckles just dove out into outer space and punched the remote control into dust, causing an explosion visible from Earth. Wiz: And returning the moon to its normal orbit. Boomstick: But having these abilities isn't enough to let him win every time, especially when his biggest obstacle is his own brain. Wiz: Knuckles is illiterate, doesn't know left from right, and one time, didn't realize until too late that he was eating a napkin. Boomstick: Hey, give credit where its due, Wiz, when he did figure it out, he stuck to his guns and finished every bite of that damn napkin. Its dinner and clean up at the same time! Wiz: He hardly ever strategizes before combat, preferring to run in swinging. Boomstick: Hey, whatever works. Wiz: It doesn't, well, not all the time, and despite being mortal enemies, Dr. Eggman has duped Knuckles into allying with him on multiple occasions. It's happened so often by now, you have to wonder who's side he's really on. Boomstick: Hey, his fists can blow the top off a volcano, so why waste precious time on things like "reasoning?" Amy: What a dreamboat! Both her and Sticks hug Knuckles. Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up. Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governer! Knuckles: All in a day's work. Knuckles flies into orbit heroically. Sonic: (in reality) Hey, that's not how it-'' ''Knuckles: Shh!